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Dealing With Your Past

Updated: Jul 13, 2022

Being vulnerable is a hard thing to do. Opening up to strangers or even loved ones caused me massive anxiety.

I have always feared that if I told my story, someone would throw it back in my face. People can be so cruel, so by not giving them information about myself I was protecting myself. After being so closed off for most of my life, I realized that I was not emotionally secure with my past. People do not talk about their past because they are still dealing with it. I had to take a moment and forgive myself and heal. I had to stop letting my past taunt me and face it. The past is the past; you cannot go back and change it; however, you have control over your present and future. Once I became secure with my past, I was able to talk about it. I am so secure with my past that if someone wanted to throw it back in my face, it would not phase me. I was proud of myself for writing a book about my grieving journey. The book allowed me to truly heal. I thought I was further along in my healing journey until I started writing the book, and that is when I realized there were still a lot of things I needed to deal with. I needed to acknowledge the hurt that I held on to and forgive the person or even myself. All the emotions and situations that I put in the back of my head needed to surface and be dealt with. God would not allow me to move on with my life until I faced everything that I stored away mentally. I realized if you do not deal with your past accordingly, it could affect your future. Prior to my mom dying, I was mentally stuck. I did not know what I wanted to do with my life. I had made so many bad decisions that caused my life to spiral out of control. I thought that if I picked up and moved back to Houston to a new environment and left my past in San Antonio that I would be a new woman, but that was not the case. My head was so clogged with my past and my mindset was still the same. I realized that God would not let me create a new life because I would be bringing my past into it. I needed to deal with my past because I needed to change my mindset. When God brings you into a new season, you must go in with a new perspective. I needed to rid myself of the distractions that kept me in the same headspace. My mom’s death forced me to change my mindset and deal with my past. It exposed so much hurt and anger that affected my mindset and kept me stuck in a stagnant place. Once I dealt with each situation, my mind became less clogged, and my heart started to feel less heavy. I began to experience a sense of true peace within myself. God was able to send me blessings because I had a new mindset to appreciate and accept them. Stop and deal with your past. If you want to get to the next season of your life, you must let go of the past and heal. If you want to experience true peace, you must deal with your past.

#1- Journal

  • I set aside time and wrote down all the events that took up space in my head and all of my thoughts and emotions that I had towards them.

#2- Mediation

  • I read my Bible and devotionals. As I read the Bible, I started to see God’s works through people. I saw how they went through trials and tribulations just like we did. God delivered believers and non-believers out of situations. Reading your Bible gives you insight and increases your faith. Praying is crucial; when you pray, God shows you answers. Praying also strengthens you. There were many times I prayed, and my situation did not change however my strength increased to where I could get through that situation. Praying also gives you clarity and direction. Dealing with your past can cause you confusion because you must relive trauma and sometimes question yourself and your decisions. This can sometimes send you into a spiral of confusion which is why you must pray for direction on how to heal from that event and clarity on how to move on from it. Lastly, devotionals are encouraging, you can read other people’s testimonies from their trials. It helps you understand that others have gone through similar, if not the exact situation you experienced. Devotionals give you hope that you will get to tomorrow.

Journal With Me!

  • What are some events that are keeping you in a mental prison?

  • What is holding you back from dealing with it?

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